The Thing Is #22
Comparison is the thief of joy. It’s the thief of your joy if you compare your life to others.
The thing is… we do it all the time. It’s a terrible habit that hurts.
We look at our kids, and compare them to other kids. “I wish my kids behaved like yours”, “If only my kids would be as responsible as your kids are”. Saying to my older child, “Your little brother can do it, why can’t you?” is probably the worst thing he has heard me say (ok maybe not THE WORST, but you get my drift).
My kids have said comparisons to me “Mummy why don’t you come to the school like the other mums?”
I’ve had women in the past few months tell me their partner has said “Why can’t you be more like Bree? She works and juggles family”. My instant reaction is I’d like to throat punch this partner, but I take a breath and say “I am so sorry he said that, but trust me, your partner wouldn’t want that if he knew what it actually meant”.
I’ve had men come up at the end of presentations and say “I’m glad you aren’t my wife”. Others have said “I wish my wife had more ambition, like you”. Both statements break my heart a little. Sure, I want to inspire people, but I certainly don’t want them feeling ‘less than’.
Women who are working or are the bread winner, don’t have it all together.
Women who are staying at home, don’t have it all together either.
Both have a really tough time juggling life with kids. Both have moments when we wish we had the opposite life.
I wish at times I was the one at home, educating our kids, and investing in them first. They are my biggest asset, but (sometimes) not my biggest investment. It’s hard. I have to invest most of my best time, and best energy into my business. My family gets what’s left of me at the end of the day. I work on this every day to try and improve, but there is only so much Bree to go around.
Sure, it looks like I have it all together on the outside, my life may look glamorous to you.
But don’t envy a life that you only see the surface of. Don’t let your partner wish you to be a person that you are not. Sure. My husband wishes I was a stay at home mum – sometimes. But then he really thinks about what that would actually mean (me home every day running our house with a million family projects)!
Our brains are trained to look for what’s wrong. Saying things that make people feel less than is not cool. Sure, we all want better. But in my opinion, if you are using all the skills you were given in this life then you will be happy. So if being a stay at home parent fulfils you, that’s wonderful. If being a working parent fulfils you, then that’s wonderful too. But please, stop the comparison. It’s no good for you.