Is Your Emotional Baggage Harming The Way You Raise Your Kids?
We all have it, hang ups from our life that has shaped us to the person we are today. Some we have learnt from, some we are still getting over, and of course there are some things that we may never get over. As they say, your life is like a blood pressure machine. If your heart isn’t showing ups and downs, then you are flat lining and dead. So we all need to embrace the moments in our lives that are ups and of course the downs, it means we are living.
We challenge you to take a moment to think about your life. What moments have shaped you in a good way and a not so good way? Get a piece of paper, split it in half and write them down. Take a good hard look at this list. Now write out what you learnt from each of these moments, just a few dot points both positive and negative if you like. And lastly, do you think any of these things are impacting your parenting?
Let’s try a situation together.
Lets just say your parents divorced when you were little, and your parents raised you in a very hostile environment. From this you feel that you learnt:
Resilience-How to be strong for your siblings and parents during any situation.
Empathy- You could see pain in others, you knew when someone is hurting.
Independence- You knew you had to be as self sufficient as possible and not cause more drama for your already stressed parents.
Anger is bad– So you avoid conflict, ignore bad behavior and sweep it under the carpet, and play peace keeper.
Grew up too fast-was responsible for too much at a young age to help parents.
Impact on Parenting.
Obviously the positive impact on your parenting is that you will likely raise your kids with the positive side of things that you learnt. From our example you will be insistent on raising kids that have empathy, independence, and resilience. But the negative, less obvious ones are likely to be the ones you need to watch out for.
Are you bottling up your anger and then having outbursts because you haven’t learnt a positive healthy way to be angry? Are people in your life treating you poorly because you avoid conflict? Are you treating your kids like babies, doing everything for them so that they can stay kids as long as possible? Do you keep your kids from family members that could potentially emotionally harm them to protect them?
Only you can analyse your behavior, ask yourself these questions and see if it is impacting your parenting in a positive or negative way. We aren’t suggesting that you need to be the perfect parent, none of us are, and perfection certainly isn’t something to strive for. It’s really about ensuring we raise incredible kids that have a life with an amazing heart monitor of up, and down moments. Because as we know, it’s through these moments, both good and not so good, that our kids can learn to be street smart, resilient, and emotionally intelligent enough to get through any moment in their life, and hopefully grow and learn from them.